Marriage Reality Check
A have read a very interesting article on the local magazine Good Housekeeping Jan-Feb2008 Issue.
The surprising, enlightening, and sometimes hard truths we all face after we walk down the aisle – and how they teach us about what love really means. By Ylonda Gault Caviness
8 Things no one tells you About Marriage.
1 You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
Yup,I am guilty of thinking this. After the baby, the wedding & honeymoon your left with the daily routine of work-home-chores. It gets boring & monotonous. Suddenly you remember your life before marriage; parties, shopping & alone time. But digging deep; I am actually happy & fulfilled. I have found a purpose in my life right now. Something that was lacking before.
2 You’ll work harder than you never imagined.
And by work it means being patient enough to really ‘work’ to make the marriage work. As the woman I realized we have to work doubly hard because lets face it – men are pigs. I just keep my mouth shut & pick up after my hubby than nag because that will only take more energy out of me. Also, aside from the physical work (job&chores) there’s also a lot of sacrifices involved. Especially if your the woman.
3 You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe wake up madder).
Hahaha, correct. What’s the point of quarreling late at night when he’s clearly drunk & I’m clearly sleepy & super pissed already. Better get some rest & wait for the morning so that I can see clearly when I punch him in the face. Haha!
4 You will go without sex – sometimes for a long time – and that’s OK.
If you tell me this before baby + marriage I would have said, “How’s that possible?”. Now, I agree 100%. Sex is a lot of work. I consider it my exercise sometimes.
5 Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I admit, I am a know-it-all; I want things my way & I have super super high pride. Slowly though I realized (and hubby made me realize) that I am not always right & that he has a point (sometimes!) ahaha. But anyway I’m really working hard on the pride-thingie. It’s really hard though.
6 A great marriage doesn’t mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
After getting married, petty fights and huge fights would come our way and that’s normal. Its even healthy. I have learned to swallow my pride at times and I know what battles to fight and when to just let things pass. Fighting is OK (just no hitting&no fighting in front of kids) because you get to discuss issues that are sometimes not acknowledged.
7 You’ll realize that you can only change yourself.
Oh yes. Nagging will not get you no where. I realized, the more one nags, the more the other person ignores the requests. ‘Put this here’ , ‘no! not there!’, ‘why did you put that there?’, becomes blah! blah! blah..to the other person (usually the husband) so, instead of the usual nagging & blackmailing, I just do it quietly & hope that one glorious day, the hubby follows suit.
8 As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you’re really made of.
My greatest fear is being cheated on. In my mind – if the guy cheats automatically he’s out of my life. No explanation needed. That’s why I keep tabs on my hubby’s friends & co-workers. If he goes out with friends, there should be no woman there! I even call him through video call and ask to see who’s he with! (imagine?)
I know.I know that’s not good, but I can’t help it. I’m still struggling with this issue. I’ll work on this.